As I Lie Awake
by ashantelle
Summary: It never hurts to appreciate the people you love, especially if it is the one you love most. This is about James thinking how lucky he is to have and hold the person who mattered most to him.


**Author's Note: **I hope you guys like this oneshot. I was inspired. Haha. It's very vague -- not mentioning any names -- but the characters are James and Lily, and they are already together. I just wanted to say that. :D

Please review. I would like to know what you think of this. I know I should be working on Private Actress, but I'm busy, and I've lost inspiration for writing it. But of course, I'll try my best to finish it. Promise.

Anyway, read and review. :D I really hope you like this.

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**As I Lie Awake **

Oneshot

_Hey, love._ I said to myself as I saw you sleeping. You were right by my side facing the other direction, and I was just staring at you, my hand supporting my head as I needed leverage to see your face. You looked innocent, even angelic to me, and you looked so cute that I wanted to pinch your rosy cheeks.

I said to myself as I looked at your face,

_This girl is mine. _

And I was so glad of that fact.

When I just stare at you without your knowledge, the first thought that came to my mind is,

_Is this real? Do I really have this special someone with me right now?_

And when I saw your even breathing, and I touched you lightly as to not wake you from your sleep, I answered my unspoken question,

_This is real. This is really happening. And I have her beside me._

Never had I been so glad I was alive at that moment.

While I stared at you, I just felt _contented. _There was nothing in my mind but you. I felt that all I have, all I wanted, and all I needed is just here beside me, sleeping. You didn't know what I thought, what I felt about you right at that moment. And that was fine for me.

It was my little secret. It was my secret pleasure.

These moments were so rare now. You know how I am. I love to sleep, and I usually fall asleep earlier than you.

That was why I cherish these moments when it was my turn to be awake when you're asleep. That was why I cherish these precious little moments because I had the chance to just look at you, only you, without reserve. I had nothing to think about but you. I didn't need to think about how to reply to what you were saying. I didn't need to talk. I didn't even need to move. I didn't need to do anything, and all of my time was just devoted to thinking about you, staring at you, and realizing that I was so lucky to have you.

_I'm the luckiest person in the world because I have you. _

That was the thought that would always come to me. That thought was accompanied by another one, but I'd share that later.

I would sneak my free hand to hug you from behind because I wanted to touch you so bad. I wanted you to be closer to me. I want to be reassured that you were really beside me.

I felt a smile come to my face as you unknowingly reached out to hold my hand in yours. Your action purely instinctive that I felt we were really connected. You recognized my hand and led it to your heart, doing this while you were asleep. I felt tingly and happy. There was nothing I wanted more than to kiss you right then and there, but I couldn't risk you waking up. I still wanted to stare at you a little more.

_We are connected. I'm bound to you and you to me. _

I just stared at you. I looked at your smooth face. I looked at your long lashes, but what I really wanted to see was your eyes, your expressive eyes that captivated me the first moment you really looked at me. I looked at your button nose. I'd always kiss that cute nose because the expression on your face is really cute when I do it. I looked at your slightly pouted lips, red and plump. Kissable is the right adjective, I'd say, and I really wanted to kiss you.

I endearingly sighed to myself and moved my hand to caress your face. I caress your soft cheeks. I grazed at your kissable lips. I touched your hair that was so soft, and I thought,

_I have the most beautiful girl beside me. _

Another thought came to my mind that warmed my heart even though I thought of it earlier.

_She is mine. _

And right on cue, you instinctively smiled, and I was filled with pure happiness. It wasn't a big smile, like the ones you give me when you were awake. It was just a small smile, only the corners of your lips moved upward. But it made you look contented. It made you look happy. Because the action was done unconsciously, it made it all the more sincere.

_You are happy. I'm so glad for that._

I hope that I am the cause of your happiness, but of course, you may be dreaming something pleasant, something you like, so I cannot assume that. But in my little world, I'd like to pretend that I am the reason of your smile. I'd like to pretend that only I could make you happy. I'd like to pretend that I am the only one who could give you a kind of happiness that nobody can match to.

I'd like to pretend that I was the only source of your happiness.

I know I'm selfish. I may be the most selfish person in the world. But for those moments that I was lost in my world, I didn't care that I was selfish. For once, I wasn't going to care for other people. I wasn't going to be the one who was always hurt by others. I wasn't going to be the weak one among the strong.

And you know what – or rather, who – was the only exception? Who was the one I only cared about? Who was the one I'm going to give everything I've got in me just to make that person happy? In my world where I was the center of it, in truth, I wasn't the center.

_It was you._

My world revolved around you. You are the center of my world. When it came to you, I became unselfish. When it came to you, I wasn't afraid to show weakness. It was alright to be weak. When it came to you, I'll lose myself just to make you happy. When it came to you, I can take any pain, no matter how much it hurt.

_For you. Only for you._

As I looked at your sleeping face, I endearingly thought,

_You are my world._

And I meant it. I meant every thought. I meant every action.

_You mean everything to me._

I was beginning to feel sleepy. I couldn't stay awake that long, of course. I was also tired, but I fought my sleep because another precious moment like this wouldn't be sometime near. I just wanted to stare at you more. I can't get enough of just looking at you. But I felt my eyes felt heavy, and they were slowly closing.

I lay down beside you but still facing you. I didn't see your face anymore but your sleeping form. I was getting ready to sleep. I was fighting a losing battle, and drowsiness was slowly taking over me. I snuggled closer to you. I felt your body heat, and it was really comforting. I smelled your scent, and it was intoxicating.

_I can't get enough of you._

You turned to face me, but you were still sleeping. Maybe you were uncomfortable or you just wanted to change your position, but I was glad for it. I saw your face, and you were still deep in sleep.

I hugged you tightly, or as tightly as I could since I was sleepy. I wanted to sleep with you like this. You were so close to me I could feel your breathing against my neck.

I was slowly surrendering to sleep.

As I lie awake beside you, _I felt complete._

As I lie awake beside you, _I felt happiness._

As I lie awake beside you, _I felt my love for you._

There were two thoughts before I had gone to sleep. Two thoughts that was so heartfelt even though I was half awake.

_I'm the luckiest person in the world because I have you. _

That was the first thought. I was really lucky to have you beside me right now. I was so lucky to have this special person to spend the night with me. I was plain lucky to have you, to have all of you.

And lastly, as my precious moment was coming to an end, I thought,

_I LOVE YOU. _

And I finally fell asleep.


End file.
